An Open Letter to Pizza Guys…

To Whom It May Concern,

It has recently come to my attention that, in order to enter a building and distribute your free menus offering delicious pizzas (and a free soda “in omaggio”) delivered to my doorstep, you must ring the bell and be buzzed in. Now, I am more than happy to let strangers into my building, but at the moment I am anticipating letters, both fat and small, from law schools. So when you ring the bell to leave the brightly colored tree carcasses in my mailbox, please understand that the moments of anticipation and anxiety that you cause in my delicate nervous system are slowly shaving decades off my life. If you are not a FedEx delivery person, please, for the love of all that you hold to be holy and decent, slide the menu under the door… or at least ring the bell of the guy who lives below me.

Warmly,
Natalie

PS: You took my favorite pizza off the menu…